Snap out of it
by dorixx99
Summary: NEW MOON: Edward comes back story. When Bella jumps of the cliff Jacob saves her. Weeks later, she tries to get better for Jacob, and goes to a party. Little does she know, that Edward came back to check on her. Guess who will be at the party too? Can they solve things?
1. Chapter 1

What becomes of the broken hearted

I know what they say about time. It's supposed to heal your wounds. Make your pain go away. It's supposed to make things easier. Smooth out your problems. As I see, time is supposed to be this great medication. Some pill that you take and slowly you feel better.

Everybody who has ever had their heart broken knows that, it doesn't work like that. Maybe some wounds will never heal. There is just a numb ache constantly in your chest. And the worst part is that you get use to it. You learn to live with the pain. After a while you don't even try to make it go away.

„So… We have plenty of options for today." A voice ripped me out of my thought. „There will be this party in Port Angeles. Kind of like a house party. I heard that Embry and Quil will go too. Are you interested?" Jake asked.

I hesitated a little. A house party? I have never been to a real party. But Jake has been so nice with me lately. Ever since that day...

„ _And I flung myself off the cliff._

 _I screamed as I dropped through the open air like a meteor, but it was a scream of exhilaration and not fear._

 _The wind resisted, trying vainly to fight the unconquerable gravity, pushing against me and twirling me in spirals like a rocket crashing to the earth._

 _Yes! The word echoed through my head as I sliced through the surface of the water. It was icy, colder than I'd feared, and yet the chill only added to the high._

 _I was proud of myself as I plunged deeper into the freezing black water. I hadn't had one moment of terror—just pure adrenaline. Really, the fall wasn't scary at all. Where was the challenge?_

 _That was when the current caught me._

 _I'd been so preoccupied by the size of the cliffs, by the obvious danger of their high, sheer faces, that I hadn't worried at all about the dark water waiting. I never dreamed that the true menace was lurking far below me, under the heaving surf._

 _It felt like the waves were fighting over me, jerking me back and forth between them as if determined to share by pulling me into halves. I knew the right way to avoid a riptide: swim parallel to the beach rather than struggling for the shore. But the knowledge did me little good when I didn't know which way the shore was._

 _I couldn't even tell which way the surface was." (quote from New Moon)_

 _And it all went black. I don't know how I got to the shore but suddenly I felt cold sand under my back. The wind was heavy and my clothes were wet. I sat up, coughing some water. I took a deep breath, and the cold air filled my aching lungs._

„ _What the hell were you thinking, Bella?!" I opened my eyes to that. Jacob was kneeling next to me looking terrified. „Cliff-diving in this weather? Have you lost it completely?" he practically shouted the words at me._

 _Jacob pulled me out. He must have seen me jumping too. I shut my eyes tightly. How could I be that stupid? I could have died today._

" _God damn it, Bella! When I have seen you jumping I thought… What the hell did you think? If I haven't pulled you out you could have…" he bit off the end of the sentence._

 _The wind started to blow even more, and even colder and I shivered. „I'm so sorry, Jake" I said, and I felt tears roaming down my cheeks rapidly. I didn't know why I was crying. I have not cried in so long, but apparently a near death expercience was enough to bring it out._

 _I raised my hands to my face and tried to swipe away the tears with the sleeve of my shirt._

 _Jacobs eyes softened. He took a big breath, then bent down, and hugged me. I sobbed into his neck. Despite the freezing weather his skin was burning hot. Perks of being a werewolf. „You scared me so much" he whispered._

 _We stayed like that for a while, but after I calmed down a little bit, he pushed me away enough to look me in the eyes. „Let's get you in some dry clothes, okay? We have to talk. You can't keep doing this." He said as he shaked his head a little. „Come on."_

 _He got up to his feet, and reached a hand for me. I got up as well, but I couldn't look at him. I felt ashamed. He saved my life, and there I was, a sobbing mess. I knew it deep in my heart: this has to change. I have to let go of this. And I have to let go of HIM. And my hallucinations about him. I cannot risk everything just to see it again._

 _The sea was still wild when we walk away from the beach. The waves now where so high that I could see now. It's a miracle I did not drown into it._

 _Jacob didn't say anything on the way back to their house, and I was fine with that. I kept my eyes on my feet as he put the key into the ignition and my cars engine came to life with a loud roar._

…

 _Once I took a hot shower and was dressed in one of Jacob's T-shirt – which was way too big for me – I was sitting on the couch with a cup of steaming hot tea._

 _It's crazy how much time I have spent in this house. When Jake and I did the motorcycles I used to spend a lot of time here. Billy always make sure I felt welcome._

 _But now, after all that happened, for the first time, I felt very uncomfortable having to sit here. I felt like a child, who knows she broke something, and just waits for her punishment. I knew that we were up to a very hard conversation._

 _Jacob. The boy who had helped me so much through the past few months. The boy who was always so cheerful and funny, and he always had a smile to offer was now sitting on the couch across me looking very serious. He stared into the fireplace thoughtfully, watching the flames dance as the fire slowly ate the logs in it._

 _I was the one that broke the silence. "Where is Billy?" My voice was quite but still a little husky._

 _Jake jumped a little as if he was in another place, and my question made him snap back into reality. "He is at Harry's with Charlie." He replied but still looked into the fire._

 _I guess I should have remembered that. The absence of Charlie was the main reason why I could think about cliff diving. That stupid idea. I sighed. "Jake" – I said but he didn't look at me. "I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking and …" I started but he cut into my speech._

" _Why did you do it?" – He asked quietly, and looked at me into the eyes. "Tell me Bella. Where you trying to … kill yourself?" he seemed to be struggling while saying this as if the mere thought of me trying to end my life was painful to him._

" _No!" I hurried with the answer to calm him, but it might have seemed like as if I was lying. I took a deep breath, "I would never do that with Charlie and you." I whispered._

 _He was quiet for a moment. "You did it because of him, right? You did it because if the Cullen guy" it started out as a question but ended as a simple statement._

 _I didn't know what to say. I did it because of him. I wanted to see him again. Should I tell this to Jake? Would he think I was going crazy?_

 _I nodded silently while my eyes started to burned and I knew that if I'm going to speak, I will end up crying._

" _After all this time?" he asked sadly. I didn't reply. "Bella, I wish I could help somehow. You cannot keep doing this. You can't give him this much power. Look," at this point he stood up and sat next to me. "I know it hurts. But he doesn't deserve it. You cannot let him ruin you. He was a selfish, arrogant bastard and …. "_

" _Stop it" I said loudly. I couldn't listen to him insulting him. It was sad how after all he did, I was still defensive of him "Don't say things like that about him. You didn't know him" I told him angrily. "There was nothing wrong with him. I was the problem; don't you see that? It was not his fault, that he couldn't love me…" I wanted to continue, but I started sobbing. I haven't talked about him, since he left._

 _Jake took my hands. "Bella, anyone who does not see how great you are is an idiot" he said slowly. I smiled sadly and shook my head but he continued. "But you need to move on. He is not going to come back. Not even if you jump of cliffs" he looked at me sharply. "Just please, let me make you feel better. Just let me be there for you. You have to try. For Charlie. And for your best friend of course." He smiled at me slightly._

" _I just feel so hopeless, Jake." I whispered while looking down. "I don't feel like I can get better, and I don't want to drag you into this."_

" _I don't think this is any breaking news to you, but since I kind of saved you from death today, I think I might be already in the middle of it." He grinned, and I knew he was back to his original cheerful self. He reached for the TV remote. "So, what do we watch today? I heard there was this extreme sport channel, I think you might be interested in that." He teased me. """_

That was almost four weeks ago.

And ever since that day, every day, he came over, and he always made sure we did something fun. Whether that was hiking or riding bikes or just watching some stupid comedy in the TV. He was always there for me, trying to cheer me up.

I was grateful, that he never went over the line, he never made me feel like he wanted to be more than friends, even though the whole town thought we were dating. I only needed a friend, and that's what he was.

I haven't seen any hallucination since I jumped of that cliff, and I have been really trying to get better – even if I wasn't really. I started talking with Charlie again, and not only if he asked questions. I think I really made him believe that I have gotten better. Obviously, I didn't mention him my cliff-diving experiments.

"Come on Belllla please, that party is gonna be lit" Jacob dragged me back into reality. We were sitting at my kitchen table, and planning the day.

"I don't know Jake. A party? You are not even eighteen, and surely at a party there will be a few… illegal things I suppose…" I started, but he just rolled his eyes.

"Again, with the age. Let me tell you, I look way older than you" he grinned at me. "Besides, I will not be drinking, since somebody has to drive us home, remember? On the other hand, what you drink, is none of my business." He winked and walked up to our fridge. He opened it and started to look for some food.

A party, I thought… That sounds like a normal 18-year-old will do. Charlie has been so happy about me not being a zombie anymore, that he would even encourage me to go.

"You know what, Jake? I wanna go." I said confidently, though I really didn't want to go. But Jacob saved my life, the least I could do is give him back a little.

"Damn right, you do" he bellowed as he pulled out his head of our fridge, his mouth full of something that seemed like our yesterday's pizza.

If I only knew what was going to happen at that party.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

 **No drinking, no smoking, no boys**

After Jacob went home to get ready for the party, I tried to keep myself occupied. We were supposed to leave at 7pm, so we would get to Port Angeles around 8 pm. I looked at the clock that was above the stove. It's only 2 pm, so I have five hours to kill.

I realized it very early, back in October, that time passes slowly if you don't do anything. And if you don't do anything, you are thinking. And that was painful. So I decided to do some housework. I have not done the laundry in the past few days, since Jake always found some kind of entertainment for us.

Yesterday Jake and I went riding bikes around the town, we enjoyed one of the rare sunny days in La Push. It was a miracle Charlie didn't hear about that yet, but I had a feeling that Billy secretly hoped that Jacob and I might become a couple one day, so he did not tell my dad anything, that could make him ground me, so I could not see Jacob anymore.

I slowly separated all of our dirty clothes by color, and started our old washing machine. It was loud and pretty rusty, I'm sure Charlie has had it since Renée moved out. He didn't like to change things. I often wondered if I inherited anything from my mother at all. In most ways I was just like my father.

There was only one difference – he survived what I couldn't. He was left by his loved one, but he got over it, and kept living his life. Of course, I don't think he ever stopped loving my mom, but he never talked about it. He was strong. I wondered if I got any of his strength in me.

While the washing machine did its job – ever so slowly – I got up and went to the phone. I guess I should ask Charlie if I was even allowed to that party. On my way to the phone I looked at the time. Only half an hour has passed.

I dialed my father's number and waited until he picked up.

"Bella? Is everything okay?" He asked hurriedly, when he answered the phone. Now that I think about it, I never really called him when he was at work. He must think I am in some kind of danger.

"Hey Dad. Of course everything is alright" I tried to sound nonchalant, but I was a little touched. I was acting horrible to him in the past few months, and he was still worrying about me, still haven't given up caring. "Listen I just wanted to ask you something."

The was a little pause on the end of the line. "Errrhm, okay, what is it?"

"Jake wants to take me some kind of party tonight. It's in Port Angeles. We are supposed to leave at 7, but if you are not fine with it, I think I should call Jacob before… " I said, but he interrupted.

"What kind of party is this?" He asked sternly.

"A house party. I don't know who is holding it, but it must be one of Quil's or Embry's friend, Jake said they will be there too." I tried to mention as many familiar name as I can. I didn't want him to think I was going to party with strangers. But in fact, I had no idea who is going to be there.

"I don't know, Bells. Port Angeles in a long way from here. How will you get there and back? You know I can always just give you a ride if you…" I had to stop him there. The last thing I wanted, was riding to a party in a cop car. That would definitely raise some eyebrows.

"Jacob is coming to pick me up with his car. And he said I could sleep in La Push, so we would not have to stop at Forks." I hesitated. Sleeping at a boy's house. "I will sleep on the couch of course." I added while biting my lips. Damn, things were getting awkward.

Charlie didn't say anything for a while. After a few moments of silence, I was ready to say that It was fine, we can go another time, but he started speaking just as I opened my mouth.

"Alright. You can go. But I will call Billy and talk this through with him. You are sleeping on the couch, and you are not to smoke or drink, am I understood?"

I couldn't believe my ears. Did he seriously let me go? "Yes, of course." I replied, stunned.

"I have to stay in the station late today, but I want you to act responsibly tonight. Don't forget that you are older than Jake – even if he looks 26 – but he is just sixteen, you have to look after him too. Don't stay out late, and I repeat: no drinking, no smoking, no boys.

"Of course, Dad. Thank you so much" I was so sure that he will say no, that now I was shocked.

"Have fun, Kiddo" he said, but then added. "But no too much fun."

I had to laugh at that. He was such a typical father sometimes. But as always, my laughing didn't end well. As soon as I laughed, the emptiness in my chest grew bigger, not letting me breath. The laughing and the happy times brought back memories when I was truly happy, and it felt like someone just punched me in the stomach.

I wrapped my arm – that was not holding the phone – around my chest as I said my goodbye and ended the call.

Alright now. What am I going to wear? I tried not to remember my good friend, who often acted as my personal designer. She would know what I should wear. I remember back then, when _he_ took me to prom, Alice helped me look somewhat decent.

I started looking through my clothes. I realized pretty quickly that I mostly owned dark colored clothes. To a party you are supposed to wear something bright, right? I groaned as I took all of my clothes out of the wardrobe, and started to pick out one. It was difficult. My style – if I even had one – could be described as comfortable, no elegant or flashy.

Then, at the bottom of the cloth pile, I found something I have never seen before.

I was a dark red dress. I tried to recall when I could have possibly bought it, and I suddenly remembered. Last summer, when Alice took me shopping, in late August, there was a bag she never showed me, just told me to keep it, it might come in handy on a special occasion. I didn't argue with her, so she wouldn't make ma try it on.

I picked up the dress. It was beautiful, but definitely not something I would have picked for myself. The dress was sleeveless, and had a rather deep cut cleavage. I have never tried it on before, but judging by the look, I think it would be a mid-thigh-length dress. It seemed stretchy.

I must admit, I was intimidated by it. I decided that before I would try it on, I should shower and wash my hair.

I was nervously fidgeting in the shower. Who am I kidding? Me, at a party? What am I going to do there? _Act like a normal eighteen-year-old girl and dance_? – a little voice asked me mockingly. I shook my head. The image of me dancing was definitely mortifying. But Jacob will be there – I reminded myself – You always have fun with Jacob. This was true. This thought somewhat calmed me.

After I washed my hair, I set the water to cold. I need to chill. I stood underneath the icy water. I like cold. Cold is good. I got out of the shower after my lips started to tremble and – probably – go purple.

I dried myself, blow dried my hair, which I usually never do. It made my hair fall in neat wavy locks down my shoulder and my back. Just in my towel I left the bathroom, and peeked into my room. The dress was still there – of course it was. I smiled to myself. I'm acting ridiculous. Am I seriously afraid of a piece of fabric?

I dropped the towel and tried on the dress. The soft fabric hugged my body like it was made for me. Of course, Alice got the size right. The dress ended a little higher on my thigh than I expected. I tried to push it down a little, but if I did that, my breasts started showing way more than I wanted. It was a dress you couldn't wear a bra with, because the it left most of my back open. The mere thought of me, going somewhere, without a bra made me uncomfortable. But the front of the dress held my breasts like it had a built-in bra in it.

I took all of my courage and looked into the mirror.

A beautiful woman looked back at me. She was standing tall, wearing a mature, daring dress that fit her perfectly, and her brunette hair was falling down in big waves. My eyes widened at the sight. I have no idea where my newfound confidence was coming from but it was a pleasant feeling. For the first time in a long time, I liked what I saw.

I looked at the clock on my night stand. Damn, it was 5:57 already. How long was my shower?

I only had to find some shoes, and maybe put on some makeup. Well since I only owned a mascara, put on some mascara. I quickly applied it, and it did emphasize my eyes a little more, so I was satisfied. I probably wouldn't even know how to put on any other makeup.

The bigger problems were the shoes. Sneakers looked out of place with this dress. I rummaged through all of my shoes, but only found a pair of black high heels – which I only wore once to Renée's wedding, - and a black ballerina flats. I decided that I'm not going to make a fool of myself, by falling on my butt tonight, so I choose the flats.

By the time I packed my most necessary things in my bag, there was a knock on the door.

"I'll be down in a minute" I yelled. I left my room and walked down to stairs to see that Jacob already let himself in.

He was wearing a black T-shirt and some jeans. I looked down a little awkwardly. "Am I overdressed?" I asked while running my fingers nervously through my hair.

"Wow Bella…." He said. I looked up to see his mouth gaping open, then recovering, and saying. "I mean you look very… girly" he said with a big grin.

I rolled my eyes. "Thanks."

"Can we go?" he asked while opening the front door. "Soooo, are we gonna kill this party tonight? I heard it's going to be wild."

"Well" I closed the door. "Charlie said no drinking, no smoking, no boys. So I assume, we are not going to be the ones killing this party." I grimaced a little. As soon as I started walking towards Jake's car, I started becoming overly self-conscious about how short my dress was.

"Well your Dad, doesn't have to know everything, right?" Jacob said with an evil grin.

And I assume he was right. Charlie does not have to know everything. I was an adult now. And I was ready to get into as much trouble, as I possibly can, to see my hallucinations again. If I didn't admit it before, I was certain now, that this was the only reason I agreed to go this party. I want to see him again. Riding the motorcycles was not enough anymore. I needed more.

"Charlie doesn't have to know everything" I mumbled as the car started.

 _Author's note:_

 _Well hello everybody! I hoped you liked this chapter, if you did please leave a comment, it would make me so happy. And if you didn't like the chapter, please tell me why in the comments, so I can improve. Also, as you have probably noticed, English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes. I plan on posting every 2 weeks, so hit the follow button to get the new chapter in time._

 _Have a lovely day, I will see you all in about two weeks!_  
 _-Dori_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

 **The Party**

The drive to Port Angeles was a bit longer than we expected. As it turns out, on a Friday night there is plenty of traffic and it is very hard to find a parking spot.

Despite the fact that it was quite chilly out there, the town was crowded. Young people everywhere, talking, laughing and having fun. We passed a group of teenagers while walking and they were not even trying to hide how drunk they already were– and it was only half past eight. A tall boy – who was barely over 17, if you ask me – was shouting all kind of inappropriate things to one of his friend. He was slurring his words, I could barely make out anything, but as much as I could gather, it was something about a football match. Jacob just laughed at him.

"Some people are just not supposed to drink"- he chuckled, while putting his big warm arm around my shoulder. His warmness was something I always forgot: Perks of being a werewolf, he usually called it that.

"You know once, there was a party down in La push, and you would not believe what was going on there. Paul got wasted, and he tried to pick up girls with the sketchiest pickup lines. It was hilarious and really awkward. Hilarious because he was not coherent, and kept winking like something got stuck in his eye, and awkward because he kept making up nonexistent pickup lines. Imagine a boy coming up to you and saying: 'Oh, you could never be an ice cream you know why? Cause you're so hot. And a person too'. Some people should just learn their limits." I laughed at that.

His knowledge on drunk people surprised me. He seemed a lot older than I was, but he was still under 21. It made me wonder: "Jake have you ever been drunk?" I asked, eyeing him suspiciously. His face turned slightly redder. "Oh God, Jacob Black I am not believing you! You are only 16!" I said while smacking his chest, but I doubt he even felt it, he just laughed.

"It was one time, okay? There is this ritual kind of party, when you turn into a werewolf. You learn about the rules, and the legends, and you get the tattoo." He explained pointing to his upper arm. I remembered the time when I thought he was sick, and that's why I couldn't meet him. Only if I knew what kind of fun he was having, I would have worried less. "Besides it's not a big deal. Teenagers drink all the time" he reminded me, mentioning to another group of young boys having beers in their hand as they walked.

"I don't know. Being a cop's daughter must have made me a little….' I stared, looking for the right word.

"Uptight?" Jacob suggested.

I probably should have been offended, but these past months I was a lot worse than uptight, so I just nodded.

"Well Bells, this is your night then. Come on, chill a little. Have fun. You know, just like when we ride the motorcycles. Just let yourself over to the feeling. I promise you will have fun." Jacob said. "And if you drink too much, I will hold your hair while you puke" he grinned madly. I rolled my eyes but laughed. I will not drink that much, that's for sure.

"Thanks, but I am pretty sure I won't need that service of yours." I smiled. The street were we walking down, was loud from music and there were many people standing, talking and smoking in front of one building.

"Well, here we are, I guess" Jacob yelled through the loud music. We cut our way through the crowd, aiming towards the door.

Then again, I became very aware of how tight my dress was. I looked around a little. There were many girls here – of course, I didn't know any of them. Some of them were dressed in a t-shirt and shorts, but much to my relief, most of them were wearing dresses and skirts. This fact made me a little more comfortable, seeing that their skirts were even shorter than mine. I was worrying I would stand out.

I got a few looks from boys, that weirdly reminded me of Mike Newton. The attention made me blush a little, but before I could say anything we were already in the building. The music got louder when we got in, but there were much less people in the stairway then outside. Jake entered right after me, coughing a little from the thick cloud of smoke.

"I believe it's on the second floor." He started taking the stairs. On our way up, I tried to avoid looking at the couples kissing passionately. "Oh, get a room" Jacob mumbled seeing one of these people.

On the second floor, I found it interesting how two doors were open. Isn't it supposed to be just one house party? I looked at Jacob confused, who just shrugged and stepped in the door on the left.

"Oh, wow" I said when we entered, but the music was so loud, that I'm sure no one has heard it.

The two apartments were opened together, by removing the wall that was separating them. The result was one big apartment. To be honest, it looked like a club. There were no furniture or anything that would have made things homelike.

The lights were off, but they had these weird colored dim lights, that made thing visible, but still mysterious enough. They had several tables and plastic chairs set up, and the place even had a bar, where people were lining up already. A large space was left in the middle, where people were dancing.

The DJ changed the song to something that everyone went crazy about. They were screaming, and even more people joined the dance floor. I had no idea what the song was. It bothered me a little, I haven't listen to music in so long.

Jake tapped my shoulder. "I will go and get us drinks. You go, and get a table for us, okay?" He yelled through the music. I nodded, and was just about to tell him that I only wanted a diet soda, but before I could open my mouth, he already disappeared.

I found an empty table quite quickly, and sat down, placing my jacket on the back of the chair. I looked towards the bar to see Jacob standing in the middle of the line. The music changed again, and even I heard this song before. My feet started moving to the rhythm.

Suddenly, a guy just sat down on the seat in front of me. I have never seen him before. He was probably in his twenties, short brown hair, blue eyes and he was smiling at me.

I leaned back a little, feeling a little weird.

"Hello beautiful, I'm Travis." He introduced himself.

"Ummm hello" I said a little quietly.

"Why is such a pretty lady, like you, sitting here all on her own?" He asked looked up and down at me overtly. I felt my cheeks warming. I was feeling uncomfortable. "Can I buy you a drink?" He said and he reached over to touch my hand, but I quickly withdraw it before he could do that.

I looked to my side to see that Jacob was just asking for our drinks from the bartender. "Actually, I…" I stared, but was interrupted by somebody from behind me.

"Sweetheart, there you are!" A very familiar voice yelled and I felt a peck on my cheek.

It was Embry. He sat down next to me, while taking my hand and saying. "Here is your drink, honey." He put down a glass of something in front of me. It seemed like water but it had lemon and ice cubes in it, so I was sure it was something alcoholic. He looked over to the guy – Travis – who now, leaned back immediately. "Who are you?" He asked him while giving him a murdering look.

Travis shifted in his seat, but a few moments later, he got up saying: "Sorry for the bothering" and he walked away. I felt relieved.

After he was about a few meters away, Embry grinned at me "You are welcome" then he let go of my hand, and reached for the drink he 'brought for me' and drank from it.

I let out a long breath. "Thank you Embry. I have no idea who that was."

"Well you better get used to guys hitting on you, if you are wearing a dress tight like this." He laughed, but I didn't really feel offended. I knew that my dress was a little bit tight. I laughed, but I doubted any more like this is going to happen. There were so many beautiful girls here. I must look plain next to them.

We started chatting casually, and soon enough, Jacob appeared with Quil. Jake placed a drink in front of me, and one in front of himself.

"What are we drinking?" I asked looking into the plastic cup. It seemed to be an orange juice, and his seemed to be a coke.

"Well since I am the driver, I'm drinking a Coke, but you are drinking a screwdriver" he replied grinning madly.

"What's a screwdriver?" I asked completely clueless.

"You don't know what a screwdriver is?" Quil asked, raising his eyebrow.

"A tool?" I felt stupid. It must be something really obvious.

Quil's and Embry's mouth dropped. Their eyes widened and Embry started pointing at me and looking at Quil then me, back and forth frantically. "Bro, she has never drunk anything!" he yelled.

Jake seemed to sense my embarrassment, so he looked at his friends pointedly. "Come on guys, it's not that big of a deal. She is not a drinker, so what?" He tried to calm them but Embry already had an evil little smile on, when he turned to me.

"I'm sorry, Bella. How about we make a deal? I'll tell you what's a screwdriver is, if you promise to drink all of the liquid in the cup after I told you, deal?"

I let out a nervous laugh, then glanced at Jacob. "Can't you just tell me what it is?"

He rubbed his chin with one of his hands. "I could, but Embry's way seems much more fun" he said. Embry high-fived with Quil, looking pretty damn pleased.

I let out a loud sigh. After all, I'm here to have fun. And get into trouble – a little voice in my head reminded me. "Okay, deal is on. What's a screwdriver?" I asked.

Embry smiled like an idiot. "It's vodka and orange."

I thought about putting up a fight and saying that I won't drink it, but instead I just straightened my back and raised my cup a little. A deal is a deal after all. "Cheers!" And I started swallowing the drink and damn, it tasted horrible. I had a feeling that it had very little orange and much more vodka in it. But I kept chugging, while the boys were laughing and chanting 'Chug, Chug!' and I felt like I was in a stupid teenager movie or something.

I finished the drink, placed the cup on the table and shivered. Embry looked at me cheerfully. "That was so cool!'

"I'm glad you liked it." I said bitterly, swiping my mouth a little.

Jacob stood up and told me that he was getting another drink for me, and soon enough he was back with a new cup of something for me. It was not vodka and orange again, but I was not going to ask again, not wanting to make the same mistake.

We started talking with the boys. They were a great company; it was easy laughing with them. After a few minutes everything became a little too easy – drinking the horrible liquid, laughing, talking. I have never been drunk before, but my tongue was going a little numb, and my head started to feel lighter and my eyelids became heavier.

Quil has probably seen that I was a bit more talkative than usual and he asked if I have ever tried tequila before. I said no, so he dragged me to the bar saying that we have to try it. Quil was the only one of the werewolves that looked younger than 20. His height matched mine, and he had this boyish little smile that gave away his real age.

He must have thought of the same thing as me when he looked at the bartender and said: "You know, it's probably better if you ask for them. Just ask for two big silver tequilas" He told me quickly and I was the next in line before I could have protested.

I smiled at the bartender guy, hoping he wouldn't ask for my ID. "Hey! Can I have two silver tequilas, please?"

He guy was good-looking. He was tall, had curly blonde hair and green eyes. He flashed me a nice smile and said. "Coming right up." Then giving a little wink. What's the deal with the winking around here? Is that something guys in Port Angeles do?

We got our tequilas pretty quickly and I was surprised that they gave us salt and lemon with it. I looked at Quil questioningly.

"You're supposed to lick the salt first and then drink, and then bite into the lemon." He explained. He poured a little salt on the back of his hand and then waited for me to do the same. Once we were ready, I licked the salt from my hand, and from the corner of my eye I noticed that the bartender guy was looking at me intensely. I felt my cheeks heating up.

We drank it and it was so strong it made my throat burn. I coughed a little, and Quil laughed at me. "We would like one more round." He turned to the bartender again, and during my coughing fit I couldn't stop him.

Once the coughing was over, I felt my body heating up, and my mind becoming a little too dizzy. No need to say, that the second round didn't help either. Quil became tipsy too after a few minutes, starting to tell me about a girl he liked in his school. It was so cute, and for the first time in the past few months, it didn't make me sick to hear about love. Who would have guessed that alcohol was the answer?

A song came up that I knew and I loved. I used to listen to it when I was still in my old high-school in Phoenix. "I looove that song." I said, and I ran back to Jake making him dance with me.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that dancing was such a bad idea, and that I couldn't dance at all, but I didn't care anymore. I was feeling so free, and I was enjoying myself.

I dragged Jacob to the dance floor and started moving my body to the rhythm. I was never a good dancer, though I hadn't danced since Edward took me to that prom. Edward. Oh how badly I miss him. Alcohol made me forget how much pain there was in saying or thinking about his name.

The music changed and another upbeat song was coming on, when I suddenly felt a hand on my hip behind me and someone started dancing with me. It took me a second to realize that Jacob now was dancing with a girl in front of me, so he couldn't be behind me.

My eyes widened and I spun around quickly. I saw the bartender guy smiling down at me, still having his hands on my hips, trying to pull me closer.

"Well hello there" he said – at least I think that's what he said, I didn't hear it through the music, only saw his lips moving.

Spinning around must have been a bad idea, because now the whole room was spinning. I lost my balance, but the mystery guy caught me before I could have fallen. "Sorry." I apologized and he grinned while hugging me to his chest. Through his t-shirt I felt that he was pretty muscular, and he smelled nice.

He leaned down a little, so he could be closer to my ears while asking. "Would you like to go outside?"

Fresh air would be nice. I nodded and looked for Jacob but I couldn't see him anywhere, nor Embry or Quil. I gave up and started following the bartender outside. I was having trouble balancing again so he just laughed and took my hand, leading me.

Once we were out, my ears were ringing, and I was feeling a little cold. I left my coat upstairs.

"I haven't even introduced myself. I'm Joshua" he said, extending his arm towards me.

"I'm Bella." I said, taking his hand and shaking it lightly.

He smiled at me warmly. "A beautiful name for a beautiful girl." He complimented me. I laughed nervously looking aside. My sight was a bit hazy, but I could have sworn a saw a pair of golden eyes looking straight into my eyes a few feet away, at the end of the street.

I blinked twice, but it was gone. I shook my head a little, and looked back at Joshua.

"So Joshua, aren't you going to get into trouble for not working?" I tried to make conversation. He had a friendly face, and he was good looking, but it was still nothing next to Edward's handsomeness.

"Well, I called in a few favors, and someone is there covering my shift," He said, his eyes never leaving mine.

"Why did you decided to leave work?" I asked. I assume he didn't just get bored with it.

"When I saw you, I wanted to get to know you. I have never seen someone drinking tequila the way you do." He murmured and touched my face, stepping closer. The feeling of someone else touching my skin felt wrong. It felt like I was cheating, even though I don't even have a boyfriend. A cold wind blew and I shivered. "You're cold? We could take a walk if you'd like." He offered.

"I probably shouldn't, I came with my friend and…. "I started but he cut me off.

"Your friend seemed to be having fun with a girl when we left." He reminded me. He knew that I came with Jacob then. It made me wonder how long has he been watching me. He took my hand and started walking. I couldn't help but notice that we were walking towards the spot where I have seen the golden eyes. The ones, that I have probably hallucinated.

The street was cold and almost empty. Joshua started to chat with me.

"So, what brings you here today, beautiful Bella?"

I smiled. Trying to drive myself insane – I thought. "My friend had this idea of coming here. It's a good place, do you work here often?"

"Yeah, once or twice a week. Have you ever been here before?"

"No"

"I thought so. I would have noticed you. I'm good at remembering people. Do you live here?"

"No, I live in Forks" I told him before thinking. Maybe I should not be giving out that much info to a guy I just met a few minutes ago. "How about you?"

"I live a few blocks from here. We can go there is you're cold" he said, but I was not nearly drunk enough to buy that. I'm not going to any anyone's apartments.

"I think we should just stay here" I said quietly. I looked around. I just realized how far we have come. I had no idea where we were or what direction did we come from. I started feeling a little dizzy. "Or maybe we should go back. My friend must be looking for me, and I'm not feeling well." I told him.

His hold on my hand hardened a little. "No, no, let's just sit down here on this bench for a sec, okay? You'll be feeling better in no time." He sat on the bench, and I had no other choice but to sit with him – his hand was still holding me. My heart started pumping a little faster. I really had a bad feeling.

I kept quiet. I found him a little less friendly now, even though he was still smiling. We were sitting in a park. Several buildings were around us, but the street was empty.

"Do you have a boyfriend, Bella?" He asked. I shook my head. I wish I still had him. He must have seen the sad look in my eyes, because he reached under my chin and raised my head. "Why not?" he asked.

I tried to look away, but his hand kept my head in place. "I did once… he… he left." I whispered, and my eyes became wet.

"Let me make you forget him" he said, and he pressed his lips to mine.

His hands slipped to my neck, pulling me closer to him. My eyes widened. It felt wrong. I felt sober immediately. This kiss was nothing like I was used to. It was hurried, and not pleasant at all. I didn't want it.

"Stop! No!" I tried to say against his lips, but I don't think he noticed. I placed on hand on his chest and started pushing him again – all in vain. "Please stop!" I said.

Suddenly his lips were gone. Actually, all of Joshua was gone. I looked up in surprise to see him laying on the ground, knocked out. His head was bleeding a little too, like someone just punched him before throwing him to the ground.

A loud growl made me turn in the way of my savior. There he was.

Edward. He was standing there, with his eyes pitch black, his back hunched a little and growling. His hair was messy as always, and he looked perfect. His angelic face was disfigured by a snarl. He glared at Joshua with a murdering look.

I was breathing heavily, not even able to blink. My heart wanted to pound right out of my chest. Slowly his stare left Joshua's body, and turned to me. His eyes locked into mine and his facial expression softened.

He was here.

Edward was back.

Author's note: Hey everyone!

So this chapter came sooner than expected and it's a little longer. From now on there will be much more Edward in the chapters, I hope you don't mind.

I also hope you enjoyed this chapter, please leave a comment if you did, I would love to hear what you think.

See you all soon!:)


	4. Chapter 4

Fourth Chapter

A happy ending of course, depends on where you stop the story

He was here.

Edward was back.

The second his eyes gazed into mine, I was lost. The time stopped, and I felt like all of the blood ran out of my body. My hands and feet started to get incredibly cold.

I wanted to so many things.

Shout at him. What is he doing here? How dare him come back after all he did. After he broke my heart. I felt the urge to get up from this bench and slap him. I would probably just break my hand, but I could try.

But I couldn't do it. I just kept sitting on the bench, admiring him.

Because seeing his pitch black eyes stare into mine, I felt it all coming back. I still loved him. I loved him, like he never left. Like he never hurt me. Because that's all it takes: one look, and I fall for him. Over and over again.

I remained silent, and he didn't say anything either, but his growling stopped. His back slowly straightened and his whole body turned into my direction. From the way he looked at me, I could easily fool myself, and say that he missed me. The way he looked at me… like someone, who saw the sun for the first time in his life.

I took a shaky breath. I tried to open my mouth and say something, but no words came out. I just sat there with my racing heart. I broke the contact and looked down.

"Please don't look away" he said quietly, but urgently. I couldn't bring myself to raise my head now. My eyes were filled with tears by now. His voice was like the softest silk touching your soul. Now, I knew for sure: I'm not hallucinating this. I couldn't imagine this voice, I'm not that creative.

The feelings, that were going through me were indescribable. I fought the tears and looked up.

"Edward" I breathed his beautiful name, staring at his perfect face. I didn't realize how close he was. He was on his knees bending in front of me now.

He was just about to say something, but I didn't let him. If I felt like I sobered up before, it was certainly gone now. Sober Bella would never do what I did, but apparently drunk Bella is more confident. I felt weak, but in the same time I felt stronger than ever before. I couldn't let him go again. Not yet.

I closed the distance between us quickly, and pressed my lips to his. I didn't want to think about how he is going to react or what's going to happen next, not even what he said to me back in the woods in September.

I kissed him passionately, and it was the most wonderful feeling. His lips tasted like honey, and I never wanted to stop.

And then, he moaned loudly into my mouth and started kissing back. It was nothing like our chaste kisses back then. This was wild and full of fire. The flames burned me, but I didn't care anymore.

Edward seemed just as hungry for this kiss as I was. He reached behind me, pulled me off the bench and I landed sitting on his thighs. He ran his fingers through my hair, holding me as close as possible.

But every dream has to end once, right? I was starting to run out of oxygen and Edward must have felt it, because he pulled away, but didn't push me away from him. He placed soft little kisses to my cheeks, my nose, my forehead and my hair while I was heaving.

His hands softly caressed the back of my head, when we both heard a loud noise from the ground next to us.

"What the fuuuck, ouch." Joshua groaned on the ground, his eyes still closed. His hand was touching his bleeding nose.

In the middle of everything, I completely forgot about him and now I felt a little embarrassed. He was there the whole time we kissed, and I didn't even notice him.

Edward arched his perfectly shaped eyebrow, eyeing the boy on the ground, almost looking pleased, and then he turned his attention back to me.

"We have to get out of here" He whispered hurriedly, but it sounded like a question. Like he wasn't quite certain, if I would go with him or not.

I nodded, and got on my feet quite ungracefully. Edward still didn't let go of me, and I had a feeling that if he did, I would have fallen. My balance never was the best, and that combined with alcohol appeared to be deadly.

Where are we going to go? And how? I searched for his car, but didn't spot any shiny Volvo anywhere.

Edward flashed an apologetic smile towards me, and my heart skipped a little. "Are you okay with getting on my back?" He asked.

"Of course."

He helped me up onto his back, and I hugged him close to myself, not really sure if I could trust the strength in my arms. He placed both of his hands on my legs, making sure I wouldn't fall off. My skirt slipped even further up, and I was worried that now it wouldn't cover anything it was supposed to cover. I didn't really have time to ask him if we could just walk, because he started running.

We left Joshua on the ground, knowing that he was going to be fine, but as evil as it sounds, I didn't really care what happens with him.

I saw Port Angeles blurring away from the corner of my eyes. I started getting a little dizzy, so I closed my eyes, hoping the dizziness would pass.

Edward had been running for a few minutes, but my sickness didn't get any better.

I opened my eyes, and only saw trees next to us, passing so quickly, and I knew I had to get off.

"Edward, please stop. Stop!" I said against the back of his head, and he slowed down, but didn't put me down just yet.

Oh dear God, please don't let me throw up on his neck. I took long deep breaths, trying to calm myself.

"Bella?" He asked, sensing that something must be wrong. He dropped his hold automatically. "Are you okay?" He asked me.

I couldn't answer him just yet, my hand clamped over my mouth, still taking deep breaths. Then I remembered what he said the first time when we ran, and I got sick. So I just sat on the ground – for the second time today – and put my head between my knees.

The spinning of the world did slow down a little. I glanced up to see a heartbreakingly beautiful Greek-God standing with a worried and pained expression on his face.

"Sorry. It must be the alcohol." I admitted not too proudly. Surely, I must look horrible and I felt revolting too.

"Do you… do this a lot lately?" he asked.

I frowned. Drinking? No. Looking like a mess? Yes. Being pathetic? More than I care to admit.

I didn't really know how to answer him. The forest was quiet, only the sound of wind eased the silence of the night.

"Why are you here, Edward?" I whispered, without answering his question. "I'm sure you're not just back, so you can oversee my alcohol intake." I said bitterly. "So why?"

It was completely dark, but the light of the moon, let me see him wince a little. Here it comes. The same face, he had while breaking up with me. The same, regretful look.

"Bella" he started, but it seemed like he didn't know how to go on. "Please, just listen to me. I have a lot to tell you. Just let me say, what I have to say, okay?" I simply nodded.

"I own you an apology. No, of course, I own you much more than that. It's just that I thought I could do it – living without you. I thought that if I left you, you would move on, and I could do the right thing, but I just couldn't, and…." He gabbled, and it was really uncharacteristic of him. Usually he knew what to say and how to say it. Always composed. But now, he was running his fingers through his hair, walking up and down nervously. "I had to come back and see if…" He stopped in his walking, and looked at me.

Edward slowly made his way towards me, and then fell onto his knees in front of me. "Bella. That day, when I left. Do you… do you remember what I said to you?"

"How could I ever forget?" The pain in my chest started to grew. I cleared my throat a little, taking a shaky breath. "I remember." No, I didn't want to remember. I fought to stay in the presence.

"Bella, that day, when I left you, I lied. I had to lie, so you would let me leave, and I knew there was no other way, but you believed me. You believed me, so easily. I told you so many times, that you were my whole world, my life. And you still believed. Why, when you…"

I was confused. "What are you talking about?" I started to feel sick again. It was like my stomach was upside down. "What did you lie about?"

Edward's eyes stared deeply into mine. "Bella, I never stopped loving you. I only wanted to leave, so you could have a normal life. What happened with Jasper, it opened my eyes. I just couldn't stand the thought of you getting hurt again. I thought that if I left, you would move on, and live a happy and full life without me." He explained.

"You still love me?" I asked. My heart stopped beating, as I waited for his answer.

"Bella. I've told you so many times, how much you mean to me. Of course I love you. I have been loving you, ever since the day I met you. I just had to…" He started explaining, but I saw red.

"You had to what?! You left me! You loved me, I loved you and you left!" I shouted, beyond angry. Tears were running down my cheeks now, and the forest echoed from my voice. "You broke my heart, Edward. Did you have any idea about that? You fucking broke my heart into a million little pieces, never even asking if I wanted you to leave! How could you do that?" I sobbed, and leaned forward ready to hit him, but he caught my hand mid-air.

"You would only hurt yourself. Trust me, I know I deserve your hate. I hate myself." He said quietly. I just kept sobbing. He loves me. He still loves me. He let me go through this past six months, while he was still loving me.

He hugged me gently against his marble chest, and I didn't protest. I laid my head into his neck, inhaling his wonderful scent. It somewhat calmed me, but I was still mad at him. "I don't think I can ever forgive you for what you did." I whispered into the collar of his shirt wiping my tears.

"Don't say that. Please don't say that." He looked panicked, pushing me away enough to look at me. "I'm an idiot, I am such an idiot. I will never leave you again. I couldn't. The time we spent apart" he winced "it killed me too. There wasn't any day, or any minute even, when I wasn't thinking about you. I swear I will spend the rest of my life making that up to you. I promise, I won't ever do that again. Or…" he paused. "Is there someone else?"

There wasn't. There never could be. My heart was only his, and I couldn't deny that. Not even after all those horrible days. But a part of me thought about saying yes. I felt something I never did before. I wanted him to suffer. To feel the pain I did. The feeling surprised me. Cruelty. I have never found happiness in someone's suffering.

"No, no one besides the guy you saw today" I referred to Joshua. I heard him let out a relieved sigh.

"Bella, look at me now" he required gently. "Can you still love me after all the stupid things I have done?" he asked getting closer and closer to me. "Do you love me?"

I sighed. "There is nothing in this entire world that would make me stop loving you. No matter who you are with, what you do, or where you are, I could never stop loving you." I admitted.

"That's all I needed to hear." And then he kissed me.

A/N: Hello beautiful people reading my story!

I really hope you liked this chapter. I have not written in so long, I feel a little rusty, but I feel really passionetely about this story. I can relate to Bella in some ways. Apparently I cannot keep my promises about posting once in two weeks, this chapter came earlier again hahaha. I hope you don't mind. Please tell me in the reviews if you like this story, and if you don't, tell me why, so I can improve. Have a lovely Monday everyone!

Dori


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